raining blood

the experiences of a nosebleeder are often a rather solitary affair. those who experience them endure pretty boring experiences in which they have little control. it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of diseases you can have, but it's a strange scene nonetheless. i've had pretty bad nosebleeds since i was a las and so, an ode to nosebleeds and a how-to for those who have never bled before:
1. nosebleeds happen a lot at times in winter when your sinus's are very dry, and for me in summer when it's very hot. i don't know why but something about capillaries being to close to the surface so my veins are expanding?
2. if someone is sharing about his/her nosebleed (especially if it was bad/long enough to give him/her a headache or if the stupid school nurse made him/her tilt the head back thus making a blood barf their definite future) you should never say, "i've never had a nosebleed in my whole life." it's like saying, "i have a lot of money," or "i'm extremely attractive."

3. if a nosebleed starts quickly, it may get on your shirt or wherever you're sitting. tonight i was about to go to sleep and checking my email when the bottom fell out. these stains are easily remedied if a pretty damp cloth is placed directly over the stain. it sucks it right out. some kind of science magic.

4. finally, you'll have to snake some toilet paper into a weird nose cap and stuff it up your nose hole. when you pull it out, it may be like a murder scene so be careful. i lean over a sink or toilet if possible. i never swallow a blood clot if i can help it, so this makes things intense.

miscellaneous: a cold compress right at the top of the bridge of your nose or on the back of your neck helps slow things down. being still and tilting your head slightly forward helps too. sometimes i'll eat a treat afterwards if i lost a lot of blood and feel weird, but this is probably just because i feel like i deserve something for the whole ordeal. vaseline up the nose hole also helps sort things out. luckily by now my nosebleed has stopped so i'm going to sleep! but friend remember, you don't bleed alone!