swan song

i was just making a breakfast burrito for dinner (love breakfast for dinner esp. when biscuits are involved). when i tried to roll up the tortilla, the food inside squeaked. it was really strange and almost enough to make me not want to eat said burrito, if it hadn't transported me back in a memory time machine.

one time we were playing in my grandma carter's backyard. she had this great huge garden, and my grandpa had mulitple garages full of lots of interesting junk. the garden/garage/garage junk yard were backed up to a swamp area with a ditch. washed up on the shore was a dead goose. i thought it was a swan i think, or maybe i just thought it was really beautiful.

my sister and my cousin and i stood there looking at it for a while. i thought my cousin was kind of scary and intimidating because she said "butt hole" and fought like a tiger with her brother. she also had reddish hair. well, anyway, so she stepped on the goose and it squeaked. it was so crazy. we were all terrified and jumped back, and then she just kept stepping on it and it made the most mornfull, otherworldly sound.

she said, "you do it!" and i was like, "naww dogg,"->(an it's my memory alteration for entertainment purposes) and eventually she bullied me into doing it. i felt horrible and sad inside after i heard it wheeze out that crazy sound. there was the heaviest feeling in my stomach like i needed to confess to someone or throw up. i guess it was because even as a wee one the heaviness of being alive, the sanctity and mystery of it all, was too thick to be ignored.